Confrontation

As I read today's Zits I could not help but laugh. Confrontation seems to be an issue that many people these days deal with. I've learned that first hand this past week. I think in Zits we can see what happens when one person avoids confrontation. The Dad is obviously ready to confront his son, Jeremy. Jeremy, on the other hand, is avoiding it, figuring that once the dust settles he will talk with his dad. We can obviously see the disaster that is looming, but Jeremy thinks everything is going to be alright by avoiding the problem. I smell disaster, don't you?


When do we confront someone? It's a tough question. One that I think needs to be examined. First off, there are several types of confrontation. On Sunday I had a friend asking me how to confront someone who is living in sin. I gave her an answer that I thought was pretty good. Then I was having dinner with a friend on Monday and we got to talking, making me realize that my answer was not nearly as complete. So, let us look at confrontation of sin Biblically.


In Matthew 18 Jesus teaches on confronting a brother in sin. First off, let us look at things in context. Mattew 18 begins with the follow parable, which I have so graciously paraphrased for you:

There's this dude. He has 100 sheep, and he loves his sheep. Sheep are not smart creatures, however, and one of them has a bit of a-d-oh shiny thing syndrome and goes wondering off. Will not this dude go searching for this sheep that's on the lamb (bad pun, I know!)? And when this dude finds his lost sheep will he not rejoice over finding that one sheep more than at having the 99? In the same way your Heavenly Father does not one even one of His children to perish.


After this parable Jesus moves onto confronting someone with sin. He gives us four steps. If the first step works we are to stop there, if not, move onto the next step, and so on.

1: Confront our brother in private about this sin.
2: Bring two or three people with you as witnesses to confront the person about their sin.
3: Bring the man before the church and confront him there.
4: If he still pays no heed let him be like an unbeliever, or a tax collector. In other words, He's no longer a Christian brother.


To get a full scope on things we must continue reading the chapter. Next, Peter turns to Jesus. "How many times must I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Seven times?" I've had this explained to me that in Jewish tradition you are only obligated to forgive someone three times. So, Peter, being super spiritual, thinks that seven times must impress Jesus. Nay. Jesus replies that seven times will not do, instead seventy times seven. In essence, Jesus means a lot.


What do we get when we put this chapter together?
First, that when someone wanders away from the church we must do everything we can to bring them back.
Second, if someone is living in the church we must follow the model of confrontation that Jesus gave us, and if that doesn't work we need to ask them to leave the church.
Third, it is vital to forgive our brother and not keep count how many times we do forgive them.


I know what you're thinking. I was thinking the same thing. How does the second lesson fit in with the other two? It seems to be showing judgment, rather than mercy. For a complete answer of that I believe we need to look at Paul's words in 1 Corinthians 5.


"I have written you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people— not at all meaning the people of this world who are immoral, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters. In that case you would have to leave this world. But now I am writing you that you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler. With such a man do not even eat.

What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? God will judge those outside. "Expel the wicked man from among you." (9-13)

It might seem like Paul is being really harsh here. I don't believe he is. Think about it. If someone is living in the folds of God's love it's all good. If someone is living in the folds of the world they're ripe for God reach. However, if someone is sitting on the fence they're hard to reach because they think that they're alright. Sometimes someone needs to be told the harsh realities of their sins, driven away, so that they then be drawn back into the Grace of God.

I think there is one more important thing that must be mentioned before I end this post, and that is love. In his book "The Calvary Road" Roy Hession talks about the story where Jesus says there's this dude with a speck in his eye. Another dude wants to help him remove it, but he's got this log in his eye. The dude with a speck doesn't want to trust the dude with a log protruding from his eye! Hession surmises that the log in the dudes eye is unlove. That when we confront someone we first must examine our own hearts and make sure that there is no unlove present, and that we are confronting our brother out of the right reasons.

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. (1 Corinthians 13:1-3)