I have a unique living situation. I live with two roommates who are polar opposites of each other. Roommate one has a girl friend, and many other friends besides. I barely see him, he's always out enjoying life. Roommate two has zero social life. The only time he leaves the room is to either go to class, go to the caf, or use the bathroom. He spends almost all of his time on his computer watching TV shows and Movies.
Today I had a conversation with roommate two for over an hour. It is the longest conversation we have ever had. At first his lack of social life bothered me. I've had several friend over who were bothered by it as well. Human beings are relational, so when we see someone without any contact we have an urge to include them.
I was talking to the roommate, though, and he told me he likes not having a social life. He enjoys spending all of his time watching a story play out for him on his computer screen, rather then living one.
At first I began to suspect that this roommate had serial killer tendencies and would murder me in my sleep. I have since rejected this hypotheses, but if I do die a mysterious death you know who to investigate first.
I do believe, however, I've discovered the reason that this roommate enjoys keeping to himself. To be in relationships with other human beings is to be vulnerable to some extent. When we interact with others we place ourselves out there. The deeper we exist with others, the more vulnerable we become.
My roommate has decided that he would rather just exist, as opposed to interacting and putting a piece of himself at risk.
Right now I'm thinking that my roommate might have the right idea. What would it look like if I stopped putting myself out there, stopped getting hurt, stopped being ignored, and just existed? That's pretty much what I've done today. It actually felt good.
Yet I don't think I could do this forever. To be human we must have a relationship with our environment. Sometimes that includes being uncertain about what to do in a specific situation. Sometimes it includes pain. But that's the point of pain, isn't it? Pain proves to us that we're still alive. Pain makes us human. What would we be without the hurts and highs of relationships?
We wouldn't be human. We would just exist.
"He who says he abides in Him ought himself also to walk just as He walked." -1 John 2:6
I think taking time out isn't a bad thing, but I agree with your summation - being human includes having a relationship with your environment. Pain helps us understand and appreciate the joy and beauty that can also be found in life. It helps us learn and grow.
ReplyDeleteI hope you don't die a mysterious death anytime soon! Like the post though :).
Steph
After ending my relationship with my very abusive boyfriend, I refused to have anything to do with people and I simply lived on getting by with my relationship with God (which was damaged as is and needed mending). Eventually, I would say after 6-7 months, God started telling me "Loving me is good, but you have to love others too." I had my faith in Him, but I hated human beings (I was happy in my safe little bubble). A few months later God found a way to introduce me to this nice guy and a few months after that that guy introduced me to Sean. It was through their friendships that my heart began mending--- it extended to all my wonderful online friends and when I was ready I started to include my family and friends in my real life.
ReplyDeleteSo I understand why your roommate might behave like this and hopefully over time, he too will see that he does need at least one or two close people in his life. :)
~Tati